[Introduction] I once firmly said that I was not a cadre and only wanted to do what I liked. Now in this beautiful socialist society, even entering a party is linked to a professional title, leaving ordinary people alone with a knife, this is the society, an unreasonable society, no matter how hard you try.

Obviously I wanted to leave the noise that didn’t belong to me, but I compromised with myself again and again, saying some lies against my will and doing those tiredness trifles. I thought youth could do whatever I wanted, but when I arrived, I found that due to too many fetters, my hands and feet could not be stretched. Worry about the future, worry about the survival, worry about the family. Gradually, the river of time showed a face that could not even be recognized by itself. I was shocked and looked at it, but it was just dull. A sigh, dusk all over the floor. When people around us get together, after a few commonplaces, they often take who has changed as the conversation, and finally they have to sigh with emotion about the power of time. I am afraid to touch this kind of problem, because facing them, I am always at a loss. I am is so tiny that it can hardly withstand a single blow in the flow of time. Although there was a struggle in it, it seemed that the maple leaves were falling slowly. Wind Energy prolonged its flight time, but it could not change the fate of falling into the dust. The society is changing. For the sake of my dream, I try to keep my resentment in its original form instead of delving into it, because once I dig it, it will ignite all emotions, and this is beyond my control. So, with heavy vicissitudes, I couldn’t help falling into my youth before I could be wild because of my sensitive nerves. I am a little upset about this. But fortunately, conscience still exists. In fact, there can be many If. If I still pursue literature so persistently, will I achieve something after five or ten years. But I can’t wait. This road is too long for me. I couldn’t see the end of it, so I began to be disappointed, even desperate. I can be moved by many miserable but persistent artists in my life, but when I put a road in front of me so seriously, I will hesitate again. I am not a pure person, yes, not. I can’t be an outstanding writer in this life, but I am a good writer. If the girl’s request was accepted in that evening party and she was put into a romantic love which was not vigorous but tender, what a new world my life will be like. However, I didn’t. I refused so much that there was no room for discussion. Maybe I am so competitive that I always want to prove myself and get something from the years. I can’t get up the courage and put all my eggs in one basket to put my life on things I can’t predict. More than half of the fear of youth, in exchange for a long-lasting deception, then this bet is too big. An indisputable fact is that we can no longer turn back. Now that you have made your own choice, you must take responsibility. After all, there has never been a life choice that is absolutely right, and to change it in the right direction is only to take the lead. I tried my best to grow like an oak tree, While stretching the branches, it also protects the roots. I can only say that now I am still me in essence, a person who gives up who I am and pursues dreams wholeheartedly. However, due to the ups and downs along the way, I have hidden something deep and deep, leave a slightly old calm and calm. But now I don’t know whether the dream can be called a dream or just a concession made to cater to this realistic and hypocritical world. I imprisoned myself in my woven net and had an impulse to cry. However, I can’t cry. There are so many people around me that I care about. If I cry, what kind of grief and anxiety will it bring? Let me bear it alone. Is it too tired to live like this? I am was so eager to have a unrestrained life and a free life, and even the scene of a person carrying a traveling bag walking alone on the railway track extending far away in the sunset occurred frequently in my mind, but all this seems to be cut off by reality. Sometimes, I really want to have a good talk with the world. I once firmly said that I was not a cadre and only wanted to do what I liked. But now in this beautiful socialist society, even joining a party is linked to a professional title, leaving the common people alone. This is the society, unreasonable society, no matter how hard you try. However, relationship is a stepping stone. If you don’t have it, you can only stand aside. Money is a signpost leading to all directions. Human is a subtle animal. Sometimes, when the love comes to the fierce place, the gloomy roar is surging in the chest, facing the majestic rivers and mountains, I really want to call out: What a fucking fuck! And I know very well that this is disrespect for Chinese civilization for thousands of years, but I just can’t let go. Gradually, I no longer contend with life too much. I just walked alone and firmly believed in the youth who defeated death, the unyielding efforts and the future. Time leads the way ahead and will show us everything. No one has anything in hand. The universe is in hand, and I am no exception. It only records some memories of growth, and the endless road is always under your feet.

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